Tide of Memories
by Blossom the Cellist
Summary: A puppet, lost and broken. A witch, used and abused. They could never have the love that sparked in Namine, with her and Xion both at their ends, destined to return to their others. And so, destiny unfolds...until, things go wrong, and memories are scattered once again. [NamiShi AU]


**A veer from my usual style, if I even have one. I've barely uploaded anything in two years. But it's romance, and there isn't enough NamiShi on this website. I was kinda dying inside as I wrote this. And sobbing. This pairing is too tragic for me.**

 **Hopefully multichapter but who knows with how much schoolwork an IB student has. For now, take this.**

 **Chapter One**

A tiny seashell, colored a pink that faded out to a light orange. The wave of a black coat that swished in the wind. A sky-blue ice cream that tasted like candy made with sweet seawater, or maybe a sunset shared with friends. The sun above, low in the sky with light purples, mellow peaches, and streaks of red decorating the air and coloring the clouds. Tiny houses dotted against a mountainside, far below as she could see them for miles and miles atop a tower with a ticking clock as the sunset glowed and her friends joked and laughed and ate sweet, sea candy. A few moments' worth of freedom from the cruel world around her that bound her to one purpose. This place like a dream.

She had seen it all, even if she hadn't experienced it. If only things could stay that way, and she could join the three of them in their jokes and laughs on the clocktower every evening. But a life like that wasn't fit for a Nobody like her, she supposed. She was expendable and knew it. Just as the black-coated girl atop the clocktower was, talking with her friends with a soft smile. They were all expendable, and Namine couldn't deny it, no matter how much she tried. It was the fate of a Nobody, DiZ had said.

She had sleek, raven hair, cropped short and neat. Bright, blue eyes that reflected happiness as her lips parted and she giggled in response to a joke. Her black coat hung over her slender legs, fluttering a little in the warm breeze from the town below. Her boots just barely visible beneath the cloak, swinging ever so slightly as she moved her feet. Gloved hands grasped an ice-cream stick that was beginning to melt into sticky, syrupy liquid; she bit into the cold goodness, her expression content and eyes dreamy as she gazed into the sweet sunset in the distance.

Her name was Xion.

And so why her, Namine had wondered? She knew she had to complete her task of fixing Sora's memories, so he could wake up, that much was certain. But why did she have a special interest in Xion? It wasn't like they'd ever met; but gradually, through looking through her memories and trying to find a solution, she had begun to care more and more for her. It started off as something small, but then she started viewing her as more beautiful and cute, and sometimes she'd blush and smile when she'd see her having fun. Her happiness made Namine happy, and so she would watch her talk with her friends through her memories, her only connection to her while trapped in the cold, white walls of the mansion. It was all fake, though; Nobodies had no hearts, or feelings. She was imagining it, she knew. She longed of meeting Xion one day, but how, she had no idea. When this was over? Surely not. A Nobody didn't deserve that privilege, DiZ had said. Namine was lucky to have a roof over her head, DiZ had said.

And so, she drew her. Using black crayons and peach and yellow and red, she would draw her with her two friends, Axel and Roxas. Sometimes Namine was in the pictures too, but she knew those were only her fantasies, only brought to life on paper. Fake, things that would never happen. But why? These emotions weren't real, she knew, but she still did wonder. She couldn't possibly care for her with no heart. So she wrapped herself in daydreams, unable to do much else while she did her job. They were real in her mind, if only there.

But Xion was so closely tied with Sora. The only reason Namine even knew about her in the first place was her ties to him; they were like bonds that held her close to the Keybearer. If she broke those bonds, Xion would cease to exist; but if she didn't break them, Sora would never awaken. She was dependent on Sora's sleep, and Namine couldn't do a thing. In the end, _she_ would cause Xion's death. _She_ would be the one to fix Sora…and kill Xion. The girl atop the clocktower, eating sea salt ice cream and laughing with her friends, who only wanted to go to the beach and live a happy life. She would break all those fantasies, make them impossible, and there was no way around it. She…

A few tears dripped down Namine's face, falling onto her sketchpad and smearing Xion's face. But how could a Nobody like her be crying, Namine wondered, as she wiped the tears away? How…?

Was this heartbreak an illusion too…?

x-x-x-x-x

She walked into the cold, white room, her black hood pulled over her face. Namine sat across from her a slight smile on her face as she held back tears. Weeks, months had passed, and it was almost a year since Sora had fist gone to sleep. "Day 356," Roxas would have said. At least, had he not run from the Organization. Had Xion not left, never to return again. Had Axel not been the only one left there, the sunset trio's friendship shattered into a million pieces, hopeless of being picked up again. And so there Xion was, broken and lost, but there. She and Namine were together, and it was the only thing making the smile on the blonde's face bearable. It would be okay. It would be okay.

It was Xion's final hour. They both knew that.

After a year's worth of thinking, Namine had come up with other options—maybe she and Xion could run away, maybe she could convince Roxas and Axel to come with her, maybe… But none of those ideas she'd had were any good. There was no way around Xion's inevitable death. If they didn't wake Sora up, all the worlds were doomed. There was no other way…

The white curtains waved slightly back and forth by the window confining them to the room. Xion put her hands on her hood, hesitating, as if she didn't want to show herself at all. Still, Namine smiled; no matter how sad the circumstances were, at least she had gotten to see Xion once before they both ceased to exist.

"Nice to meet you…Xion."

The girl finally lifted her hood off her head, closing her eyes as she did so and then looking down at the ground, the most hopeless sadness written all over her face. A sharp pang hit Namine where her heart should have been; she couldn't bear to see Xion like this. The face of a prisoner, who was sentenced to death; except she didn't do anything wrong. And yet, Namine wasn't sure if Xion knew that.

Xion looked up at Namine again, her eyes empty with crippling despair that Namine almost felt like they were both drowning in. Gone was the sunset sparkle in Xion's eyes, replaced with an empty, hollow look. The face of one who'd gone through far too much, and who knew it wouldn't ever truly be fixed.

"Come, sit," Namine said again, her hands gripping the sides of her sketchbook in her lap. She was beginning to shake in fear and sadness, but she couldn't let Xion know that. As the raven-haired Nobody took a seat across the table from her, Namine took a deep breath. It was time.

But before she could say anything, Xion spoke up. "Namine, are you…able to see my face?" she asked, her voice hollow. A fair question; Xion knew now that not everyone viewed her as a 'she'. Almost everybody viewed her as a puppet. Less than a Nobody, just a puppet; and again, it hurt Namine right where her heart should have been.

But she couldn't pour all her feelings out and comfort Xion, however much Namine wanted. So, with a slight nod and a forced smile, she said a simple, "Yes."

"Then…what do you think I should do?" Xion asked quietly, looking down at her hands and then back up at Namine.

A good question. Namine didn't even know what _she_ should do; she couldn't provide an answer to Xion. It was beyond her.

"What do you want to do?"

Xion looked down, the most hopeless and lost look on her face. If Namine didn't know any better, she'd have thought Xion had a heart. As she opened her mouth to say something, to try to comfort her, Xion looked up and to the side, her gaze falling on a picture of her, Axel, and Roxas together, childishly drawn in crayon and hung on the cold, white wall. As Xion spoke again, Namine fell silent.

"At first, I just wanted to be with Roxas and Axel forever. But then I started to realize that my memories…" Xion trailed off, looking down again. "Well…these aren't really even mine, are they?"

No, that was wrong. She had memories, not of her past, but of her happy times with Roxas and Axel on the clocktower. She didn't think she _was_ Sora, was she? She wasn't, she was Xion.

"You're not Sora, and you're not Roxas," Namine said, trying to keep the pleading out of her voice. "You're Kairi as Sora remembers her."

"As I remember more of my past, the more I feel the need to go back to where I came from." Xion hesitated, seeming unsure of herself. "What should I do…to go back?"

That was it, Namine realized. Xion had made up her mind. There'd be no happy ending for either of them, would there…?

"So, you're going back to Sora?" This time, Namine couldn't even keep the sadness out of her voice. She had known this was inevitable, but to be staring it right in the face…she would have cried, had she had a heart. And yet, here she was, her eyes burning anyway…

"If you return your memories to him, then you'll disappear," she said, almost begging Xion. She was aware that it was pitiful, but she didn't care. "In exchange for not having your own memory, you're connected to other's memories. So when you disappear, no one will remember you. There won't be any 'you' to remember." Her voice was choked with tears, breaking on the words.

Except for her. Namine's powers over memory ensured that she would remember Xion. She'd be the only one. Alone, with the knowledge that she had killed the person that she had known she would die for. She wasn't sure she could live with that burden…not that DiZ would even allow her to see another sunrise.

"For all the powers I possess, I can't keep even one piece of the memory called 'you' connected," Namine continued, ignoring the tears beginning to form in her eyes. Xion looked down at her hands as she tightened them around her waist, and there the pang was again, right in Namine's non-existent heart.

Xion looked back at Namine. "I know, I'm ready. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here." A bit of her determination was back in her voice, but for all the wrong reasons. "I also know that Roxas should be going back with me. But…I don't think he would understand. Not yet."

"I know. Roxas can't feel Sora just yet…" Well, at least Namine could answer that one easily.

Xion sniffled, obviously holding back tears as well. "Namine," she began in a shaky voice that nearly fell to a whisper, "will you please watch Roxas once I'm gone?" Smiling slightly, a far off smile, she continued, "You won't be alone. I asked someone else, too."

"There just isn't anything else…I can do." There it was. She'd admitted defeat. And yet, Namine's mind kept jumping from solution to solution to solution, none of them workable.

Why did it have to be this way…?

"All right." Xion was smiling, gratitude in her voice. "Thank you."

Namine took a deep breath. It was over. The inevitable was over and now, Xion would cease to exist. And it would be her fault. She didn't want to do this, and yet, the entire time she'd known of Xion's existence she'd also known that she'd have to do this. So why did it hurt so badly, with no heart to feel with?

"Alright," Namine breathed, defeated. "Let's go see Sora."

And as they stood and began walking to the basement, she slipped a pink seashell into Xion's pocket.

x-x-x-x-x

The two girls stood in front of the memory pod Sora slept in, gazing at it. It looked like an egg, or a water lily with little leaves at the bottom. It was white, just like everything else in this mansion. The walls, the windows, the curtains. Castle Oblivion.

Namine tried not to think too hard about it.

"So… This is where Sora is?" Xion asked slowly. Sadness was on her face; she looked defeated and lost. Namine felt terrible.

"Yes. He's sleeping inside there."

Neither of them spoke for a moment, just looking at the memory pod. Namine felt the strange urge to reach for Xion's hand and hold it close, but suppressed it. Now wasn't the time. It would never be the time. Not when Xion was minutes away from nonexistence.

"I'll admit, I'm a little scared," Xion said quietly.

Fear. That was one thing Namine knew she felt. She knew they both were feeling that. But she looked into Xion's eyes, trying to reassure her. "It won't hurt. It'll be over quickly."

"Right…" Xion frowned, trying to put her hood over her head, but Namine reached out and stopped her hand from finishing the motion.

"Don't do that. I want to see your face." A tear rolled down Namine's cheek as Xion took the hood off. "You have such pretty eyes…"

"Thank you…" Tears came to Xion's eyes, and she looked away, back at the memory pod. "It means a lot to me."

Namine breathed, sniffling. "Alright. Shall we begin?" As Xion nodded, Namine continued. "Take my hand and I'll start the process. It'll be quick."

Hesitantly, the two girls touched hands, then grasped them tightly. Their eyes met for just an instant, both sharing the same message: "I'm sorry." Then, Namine closed her eyes and began delving into Xion's mind.

Namine focused, beginning to transfer memories back to Sora, ignoring Xion's light gasps as she worked. It all felt so wrong, though. Painful. With every chain she broke, she was killing Xion a little bit. And so she worked, aware that every move she made hurt Xion more. She could feel the girl's grasp growing weaker and weaker, her hand growing cold and icy, and Namine had to squeeze it to keep the process going—or maybe to reassure herself. This was the end. And as she unraveled the memories, she felt as if she was dying along with her. _No,_ a little voice in her head was crying out, with every breath she took. _No, please, I don't want her to die! I want her and me to be happy together! Please!_

"N-Namine, you're crying." A weak, feeble voice. Was that Xion's? No, it _couldn't_ be Xion's! She was strong, a Keybearer, no matter what the origins of her Keyblade were. She had gone through so much. And now so weak…

"I know…" Namine whispered softly, placing her free hand over her chest, where her heart should have been. "It'll be over soon. I promise."

She couldn't kill Xion. She couldn't let it end like this. Why? Why did it have to be this way? Why, why, why? She was almost done, and she knew there was no going back now, but still she cried out for the life they couldn't ever have. Still, as she killed her, as Xion's grasp turned into ice, made with sweet seawater. Namine didn't dare open her eyes, to watch the replica fade away into nothingness. Her pain was clear enough from the icy air and her short, quick breaths.

"I'm scared…"

Namine didn't know who had spoken that sentence. Was it her or Xion? Did it matter? Her task was done, there were barely any memories left to give to Sora. And as she realized that, Namine's eyes popped open in time to watch the hand she'd been holding freeze over. Crystals that once made Xion's flesh floated up and disappeared into nothing. She was fading, and Namine wasn't ready for it. _"No!"_ she screamed. _"Xion!"_

A girl atop the clocktower…

Namine panicked, reaching for Xion's hand as it shone, letting the rest of the crystals fly away and into Sora. "No!" Namine screamed again, shutting her eyes and panicking. This wasn't right. Why did she have to mess up so badly? Her breath quickened; she lost control of her grip on Xion's memories. There were only her own memories now. Only hers, only…

A link shattered.

She was aware of herself screaming as crippling pain wracked her brain, and she fell to her knees as it attacked her in waves. Gripping the side of her head, her eyes squeezed shut and tears ran down her face. _"Xion!"_ She screamed, shook, feeling as if her own body had turned to ice. Agony assaulted her skull, and she was vaguely conscious of someone else screaming too. Sight and vision exploded into white as her eyes snapped open, a bright light forming between her and what was left of Xion, shaking the room with its deafening roar and knocking her off her feet. She was slammed against the memory pod, her scream cutting off abruptly as she fell to the ground like a limp rag.

As the light cleared, two girls lay on opposite sides of the room, neither moving, save for the shallow rise and fall of their chests. The unconscious children lay still for what seemed like hours, the white walls never changing, the room seeming as if it was frozen in time. Until a pair of eyes opened, and hoarse words came out of one's mouth.

"Who…are you…?"


End file.
